Addiction
by Sparkling Dragon Tears
Summary: Draco has a secret addiction. Nothing along the lines of I don't want to stop, but I can't stop. R for abuse, selfharm and language. Oneshot. Poem at end.


Different style of writing. Wrote it a while ago. it could probably use a sequel. Let me know what you think!

D/C: I DONT OWN ANY HP PPL! Only my sick little mind.  
Poem at the end by ME!

- -WARNING- -  
Contains selfharm, Draco abuse, Swearing.  
Sad, Depressing.  
Not a happy ending. Well, happy for Draco.  
- - - - - - - - - - - -

Enjoy.  
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Addiction

-The blade is the power-

"Draconius Lucius Malfoy." Fuck I hate that name. Every time he calls me that, I'm in for it. Bad marks in school, although not likely. Getting in a fight, possibly. Talking back, that was probably it. It's hard for me to hold my tongue when he's going off at  
me for something or another.

Here he comes now. Wonder what I did this time. Probably talked to the wrong people during his party this morning.

"How dare you speak to my guests like that today! Bursting into their conversations like an uncivilized son-of-a-bitch! How dare you! I told you to never to speak unless spoken directly to." Damnit! He's whispering now. That means he's really mad. Please  
don't hit me...

"The Malfoy name means superiority. NOT low-class filth. Do not act this way again."

Ow...right across the face. Bloody hell, that hurts. Don't cry Draco...Don't whimper...

"Understood?"

"Yes sir." Stupid, child-hitting, neglectful, bitch-ass, man whore...

"Draco!" Oops.

"Yes?"

"I said...dinner at six." Two more steps...almost there... Thank Merlin. He's gone.

Eagle. Pansy's owl. Aw. I didn't want to deal with her tonight. Oh well.

"Come here Eagle." Hmm...what does this bloody note say?

Dearest Draco,

As much as I love you, I must say this before the return to Hogwarts. We cannot see eachother anymore. I have met someone else who is not as, well, troubled. I am so sorry. Hope we can remain friends!

Love, Pansy

Pansy! What! I-Why is she such a-Oh hell. I just want my knife.

Yes. Under my pillow as always. Lemmie see. Yep, my effed up reflection still looking at me in the blade. GRRR, Just drown!

One, Two, Three, Four. Yesterday I made twelve cuts. Thirteen will help me now.

Stupid reflection. Drown in my crimson blood. I see you no more.

Getting better.

One long line for Pansy. Ahhhhh... that was deep. That much pain gone. Yes. One more. Another. Again...

Shit. Someone's coming. But I have to keep going. Sure my cloths are red now, but it hurts! I need to make this stupid pain go away. One more across my palm. A line to match the others. It helps me. No bottling the pain here.

Wait. The someone is here at the door! Fuck...

"DRACO!" What? Fear this time? He's not here to hit me more? That can't be. Stupid effer was the cause of all this.

"This is your fault leave me here to make it better!" The cold blade feels awesome drawing against my skin. Tearing open the flesh and watching the blood seep out. My pain and misery is in that blood. With all I lose, I am better.

"Draco! Put down the knife now! You are disillusioned!" Disillusioned? Screw that! Another  
line. AHH That feels so good. It feels right!

Woa! What the eff!

"Gimmie that back!"

"No Draco, you must listen! We need to clean you up right now!"

"Why the hell! Gimmie that back!" Doesn't he understand? It's helping me!

"Draco! You are crying! Do you not understand? Something is wrong!"

"NO! Gimmie the fucking knife!" Woa...everything is getting blurry. And...My head hurts. I need my knife! It'll make this better!

"Where we goin'?" Was that me? Oh no! He's taking me somewhere. Just give me the knife it'll be ok! I promise!

"Draco! Draco! No! Don't go out on me now!" He sounds like he crying! But, everything is muffled.

Please can I just have my knife? That sounds wimpy, but still! Wait! I was supposed to say that. I can't see, hear, or speak now!

Merlin...Something IS wrong. Please help! Please!

Wait. I'm relaxing. Calmer now. 'S gettin' harder t' think... Calm... Dark... Sleep.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sweet freedom-This is it.

Everything in my life, all this shit.  
It swirls in my head. This is it.  
I'm on the line everyday.  
I could slip and fall away.  
My favourite item is in my fist.  
The sharp knife. This is it.  
Sweet freedom is only a cut away.  
The pain from yet another day.  
Gone with one slice across my wrist.  
One movement, One cut. This is it.  
It's helped every time before.  
One cut, Two cuts, Three cuts, Four.  
Deeper and longer each cut gets.  
Each time it gets better. This is it.  
I know I shouldn't. I know why.  
My life is in my hands here, but I'm not gonna cry.  
Never before. Not now. Not yet!  
Tears never got me anywhere, so this is it.  
Only tears I like, Are the ones I crave.  
They pour from my skin as I inch closer to my grave.  
The blade is my sweet victory, right here where I sit.  
Crimson tears on my flesh. This is it.  
Red shines at me as it seeps on the floor.  
I feel myself growing weak, but I'm addicted. I need more.  
Another slice. Another scar. One more hit.  
I lose so much blood. This is it.  
Stars sparkle in. I can't see anymore.  
The blackness takes over. My knees hit the floor.  
Now there's no more of this. There'll be no more shit.  
I feel myself dying. That's all. This is it.  
As I die, I think about my sweet freedom.  
The blood that got me high and the cuts that made me numb.  
My heart beats one last time. The last candle is lit.  
I taste the last breath I'll ever breathe. There's no more-This is it.

-

------  
Hey! Review please? If the demand is high, I can write a sequel. I guess this is a little choppy, but it's old, so I have a good excuse. :)

-J


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